Your Relationship with Creativity
What relationship counseling can teach you about your creativity
First, a quick celebration
Before we dive in, I’d like to invite readers to celebrate with me. I am writing this post from my new Writer’s Nook! It’s funny that it took me so long to figure this space out. So far, I am quite satisfied with the area, although I am missing my plants which are awaiting their new plant stand to be delivered and assembled. Once the space feels more complete, I will share an updated photo.
I look forward to many a date with my creativity in this space filled with light, warmth, and many plants. Outside the window is a beautiful evergreen where birds flit about, and squirrels scamper into view, distracting inspiring me with their antics.
How is your creative desire?
When I work with clients on discrepancies with sexual desire, one of the steps I recommend is to create a sex date. This date is a time set aside for those in the relationship to focus on physical intimacy (a very creative act, in my opinion). Often one of the first comments I get is, “But that will kill the spontinatety/passion/excitement/insert expectation here.” My response varies from client to client, but in these moments, clients are being asked to change part of a script that they have used to create their values, beliefs, and ideas about physical intimacy.
The romance of creativity
We romanticize what “good” sex is “supposed” to look like, and if it’s not inspired, passionate, spontaneous, etc., it is somehow not good. I think we do the same thing with our relationship to our creativity. There is a certain romantic idea that being creative means feeling flashes of inspiration that move you to pick up the brush, sit down at the typewriter (yes, typewriter…I’m feeling nostalgic), or deliver an Oscar-worthy performance that will leave critics exclaiming your brilliance for years to come.
The point is, sometimes, just like when it comes to building or rebuilding intimacy in a relationship, your relationship with your creativity might look less like the romanticized ideal and more like a contrived experience. I think the fear here is that the process or the product might feel inauthentic if you have to plan for and “gasp,” possibly even work for the creative experiences you desire.
What’s the story?
In the book, The Artist’s Way, author Julia Camera suggests an Artist’s Date as one of the basic tools for nurturing a creative life. Much like the sex dates I recommend to people seeking to nurture physical intimacy, the Artist’s Date is a tool to focus on something specific and free from other distractions that could interfere with the relationship. This time allows you and your creativity to reconnect, play, and explore. If you find yourself resistant to the idea of setting aside concentrated, specific time for your creativity, ask yourself:
“What’s the story I’m telling myself about what a creative life, creativity, a creative person is ‘supposed’ to be?”
Tell your story
Take time to write down your story (something you could do on an Artist’s Date, perhaps). Then ask yourself:
“What am I afraid I’ll lose if I change the story?”
Bringing your fears to light is one of the first steps to overcoming them or moving forward despite them.
Feel the fear and create anyway.
If you cannot outright “conquer” your fears, something to try is to acknowledge the fear, set it aside, and move on despite its presence. Speak your fears out loud, even if only to yourself, then imagine yourself putting that fear in your pocket, a purse, someplace on or near you. The idea is that, while you may not be getting rid of the fear, you are moving it aside so it is not blocking your way.
A lack of spontaneity does not mean a lack of value.
Once you’ve examined your story and set your fears aside, remember creativity, like sex, can be a form of play. It can be serious, intense, and full of passion, or it can be playful, funny, and an adventure. The bottom line is that you get to decide. You can change the story. Setting aside time for creativity doesn’t mean giving up spontaneous, inspired moments. Planned, intentional time with your creativity can help nurture your relationship with that part of you. Also, what you learn from and take away from those dates with creativity can inspire or enhance the more spontaneous, romantic moments with it and with yourself as a creative being.
Whether it comes from spontaneous moments of intense, passionate inspiration or intentional, planned time, neither has more value than the other. Creativity is creativity regardless of the context in which it arises.
For further consideration
What does creativity mean to you?
How has creativity made you who you are?
What is your relationship with creativity?
As always, thank you for taking the time to read my newsletter. If this has been helpful for you and you think someone else may benefit from my wisdom, humility, and fantastic writing, please feel free to share.
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Finally, I am considering starting a group to work through Cameron’s, The Artist’s Way together. There would be no cost (other than the purchase price of the book), and the group would meet once per week via Zoom. Would you be interested?